is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
