I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
