Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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