I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I understand Curling. That high.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Never joke about your clitoris.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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