I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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