He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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