shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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