its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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