my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
