Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
