went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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