So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
