We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
