Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
