Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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