Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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