dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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