No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
