I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
