did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so explain again why im purple
no
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
