Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
