And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
