You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
