Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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