I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
