Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
