I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
