I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
