I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
