i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
