My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
