stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
