Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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