when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
