Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
