Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
