So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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