that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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