i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.