I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.