She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
