how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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