dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
