Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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