Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
