I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
