Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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