i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
