help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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