Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
