Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
