I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
