OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
True strength comes from lack of pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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