I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
