She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
