Apparently you make a good broom.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
