I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
