Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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