And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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