He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
