i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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