I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need a beard to bite.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He shit in the fireplace
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
