3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
