I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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