dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
