Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
