So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
