He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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