She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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