You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
