I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
