Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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