Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
