I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
