You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
