my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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