she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
