I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
