Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
