its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
